Even So, It Is Well With My Soul

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well with my soul.

When we visited the funeral home after Dad died, Mom led us in singing that very song. In life and death, in joy and pain- it is well with my soul. Christ was all I had and he was enough. I clung to that truth in the painful months following. How then, just two years later, have I already forgotten that lesson?

Today marks five weeks since I moved to Auburn and it has been a journey filled with non stop lessons and adventures. I didn't know a single freshman when I got here, so I immediately filled up my calendar with socials, hoping to connect with at least one person. There was a lot of going, doing, talking, leaving, and not actually connecting. 

I plugged into Lakeview Baptist Church as soon as I could, where Dad interned until I was two. At the first college service, the pastor posed a question that haunted me for days: what is robbing you of your first love? What is stealing your affection for Jesus?

I had felt spiritually dry for the past few months. I made excuses. It'll get better once I move to Auburn. I'll grow in the Lord once I plug into Lakeview. A godly friend will help me grow- I just need met one first. To clarify, I never stopped reading the Bible or praying. I still had quiet times, I was trying my best to seek the Lord's will. Everything I did just fell flat.

My second Saturday in Auburn, I had the house to myself. I had no socials during the day, no football game to anticipate. I became pretty depressed. God, could you go ahead and skip to the part where I have friends to spend a Saturday with? I moped most of the day. 

That night, I decided I would attend a swing dance on campus. I started getting ready, excited to finally get out of the house. I was literally putting hot rollers in my hair when I felt this great weight land on me. I sat down on the floor and prayed. God was telling me to stay home. Really? Now? I mean, it's JUST swing dancing. Though confused, I obeyed. I opened my Bible and started reading Romans 5. 

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God."

Because of grace, I could have peace. I could REJOICE. These verses gave me hope that night as I remembered that it's not about this world. It's not even about me. It's about being hopeful in the glory of God. Glorifying him is the reason I exist. 

That night, I also started reading "Future Grace" by John Piper. He writes:

"Sin is what you do when your heart is not satisfied with God....God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him." 

Without me even realizing it, God was changing my heart. 

He gave me a satisfaction in him I have never known before. A satisfaction that has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not I have friends, make it to class on time (being late is my worst nightmare),  or maintain a good GPA. It's a satisfaction rooted in Christ alone, knowing he will never ever fall short. 

The following week, God brought to mind Philippians 4:12, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation..." I have learned that secret. I have learned how to be satisfied. DISCLAIMER: I didn't teach myself. I didn't find a perfect verse that changed everything. I could've read through the entire Bible and still been just as confused. 

That Saturday night, God gave me grace, opened my eyes, and changed my heart. I became satisfied because he taught me. 

And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.