Desires of My Heart

Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."
When I was five years-old, Jesus became the desire of my heart, but I didn't truly know that. I only knew that I had felt Jesus "knocking on the door of my heart" and I wanted to let him in. I wanted to one day be in heaven with Him. I had no idea what that verse meant, I still don't, to some extent.
It's easy to look at that verse and blame God for many things. When I was 12, the desire of my heart was a best friend. I looked at God and asked him why. Why couldn't I have some one to talk to? To hang out with? To dream with? I wanted a girl my age, my grade, and my convictions. Did God give me all that? Thankfully, no. God gave me the desires of my heart by changing them to his desires.
Often people fail to look at the next verse. Psalm 37: 5-7: "Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him..." God is not my genie I go to when I want something. At the same time, He is not looking down from heaven, concerned with "bigger problems" than my own. God has a master plan, an ultimate design. And when I became his child, over time, my desires have become to glorify his name and help fulfill His perfect plan. His desires have become my desires.
That night, it feels like it happened long ago, I prayed "God, the desire of my heart is for my Daddy to live. To watch me graduate. To walk me down the aisle. To play with his grandchildren." I would be lying if I didn't say that that is still my heart's desire! But at the same time, I have joy in watching God's plan play out in my life. Watching how he is providing for my family, and for my church in an overwhelming way. At times I feel like I'm living in a movie or a book. Can all of this really be happening to me? I mean, both the good and the hard? Sometimes I want to burst into tears. Other times, I want to burst into song. God is faithful! He provides for his children! My life, my family, my dreams, I have committed everything to God! And the wonderful thing about it is, in Him I can't "mess up" or "fail". He has had it all planned out since before time began. I'm just along for the ride. And what a beautiful ride it is! There is truly no better place to be than in the center of God's will.