The House on the Sand Went SMASH

I haven't blogged in a while, and it's not because I have nothing to write about. It's the opposite actually. I've been writing more than usual, just in my journal. Because I get so confused and overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts, that I may say something I regret.
I thought my life was on it's way back to a new "normal." A nice schedule I could stick to. As long as the plot didn't change too drastically, I would be just peachy. But, unfortunately for my tidy outline, I'm learning what "Not my will but yours be done" really means.
I was thrown a curveball. I was blindsided. My "perfect" world was once again upset. I looked at the problem saying "What? Now? Of all times! I'm just now getting back on my feet!" I looked at God and said "Really? REALLY!?" Like they say, when it rains, it pours.
Once my immediate anger, disbelief, and pain subsided some, I saw what the real problem was. Me.
Before Dad died, I didn't know it, but he was my rock. He was unshakable. He would always be there for me. And then I found out that my rock had been shattered. So, I laid my foundation elsewhere and I didn't even know it until an "earthquake" hit. When my new rock was shaken, I got upset again. I had placed my faith so strongly in something temporary. I had high expectations of my new world. And not surprisingly, it didn't meet them. Why? I expected unmoving, never-ending perfection. And no one can meet those expectations except my God. My dwelling place. My rock.
I'm reminded of the Bible story I have heard ever since I was a small child. I even lead the kids choir in a song about this story. It goes like this:
The wise man built his house upon a rock, the wise man built his house upon a rock, the wise man built his house upon a rock and the rains came tumbling down. The rains came down and the floods came up. The rains came down and the floods came up. The rains came down and the floods came up, and the house on the rock stood firm.
It goes on to talk about the foolish man who built his house upon the sand. And then the kid's favorite part: The house on the sand went SMASH!
The foundations I had attempted to lay my complete trust, hope, and future upon fell apart because they were made of sand. So when my house fell apart, I kicked and screamed at God because He had failed me! But, no. He hadn't failed me, I had built my foundations wrong. God is the only one who will NEVER fail me. He will ALWAYS be there for me. The Bible reminds me over and over (Psalm 91 & Proverbs 3:5-6) that God is enough. He is all I need. Yet, time and time again I seek help elsewhere.
I have to remind myself daily: God is enough. God is enough. God is enough.