All Kinds of Loss: Hurting Then Healing

There are all types of loss. Loss through death. Loss through decisions. Loss through miscommunication. Loss of identity. Loss of joy, hope. I used to think that death was the loss that hurt the most. But it isn't. When you lose someone, or something, the pain is real and it doesn't come with a scale of one to ten.
I've struggled with numerous forms of loss the past few weeks. And I thought I was going insane. But no more so than usual.
During the day it's easy to set aside those deep, heavy feelings and put on a happy face. Sometimes you even forget for a moment that you're struggling. Life seems so perfect and beautiful.
But at night, I am under attack. I wonder if I'm carrying more burdens than I'm supposed to. I wonder when this knife in my heart will be removed. And most of all, I wonder if I would hurt this much if my Daddy was here.
I try to hold back the emotions welling up, but they thunder around inside of me. What's wrong with me? People struggle everyday, and Dad has been gone for months. Have a truly lost it?
No. This is grief. This is pain. And no two stories look alike. People can tell me to be happy, to move on and let go of the past. But it's usually not the past that plagues me. It's the future.
Will there always be this much pain? This much struggle? Will I ever feel "normal" again?
Yes and no.
John 16:33 declares: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." I will have times when I feel like I'm drowning; when I don't think I can keep walking, or even breathing. So I lie still in God's arms. I cry or scream or just breath in and out, because God is holding me. Breathing life into me.
Friday night was a battle, and Saturday morning I was physically exhausted from the struggle. I wondered "God, where are you when I need you? A little help here!" But I've learned you can't heal until you get past the immediate hurt. For about 24 hours, I was hurt. I just survived. But the past couple days, God has revived me and given me words of encouragement through His Word as well as through His children.
Where were they four days ago? Waiting. Because I wasn't ready to heal until I could get past the hurt.