I recently graduated from high school, and in the weeks and months leading up to graduation, everyone would ask me what my plans were. I didn't know. I prayed and searched and one morning I heard the Lord speak to me in the middle of everyday life. He told me to go to the community college. Woah, woah, woah, God. That wasn't in MY plan. Auburn has always been the dream. My parents went there and loved it, and ever since I can remember Auburn has been the only place I have ever wanted to go.
Nevertheless, I said yes to God. No wasn't really an option, at least not an outright no. I kept hoping that the calling to go to the community college was like when God called Abraham to sacrifice his son. Maybe, just maybe, he would call me off at the last second. I held onto that hope for months. I kept praying. I told everyone I was going to the community college, but I was applying for scholarships like I was going to Auburn. I wasn't giving it to God, I was clinging to what I wanted most.
Then, the 'impossible' happened. In March I journaled: "I received a letter yesterday that threw me into a panic. Auburn offered me a scholarship. Instead of rejoicing, I became upset with God. It was like some sort of joke. He called me to [the community college], he's providing for Auburn. I became very conflicted. Ultimately, though, the letter doesn't change anything. I'm going to continue planning toward [the community college] and seek the Lord."
Call me crazy, but I was rejecting Auburn. The scholarship wasn't huge, but it was enough to cause serious consideration. I couldn't do it, though. I knew that God had called me elsewhere, and until he told me otherwise, I had to obey. Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." For as long as I could remember, my heart's desire was to go to Auburn. That changed. My heart's greatest desire was now to delight in the Lord. Many days, it was difficult. I had wanted Auburn so badly and for so long. One day I would probably get to go, but for now I was planning for a year at home.
Then came another curve ball. I won the Jimmy Rane scholarship. This time, however, I wasn't as flustered. I was thankful and joyous at God's providence and kept looking to the community college. I wanted to obey. More than Auburn, I had to fulfill God's calling on my life even if it didn't seem make sense.
I was urged by those around me to pray. Yet, I refused to consider Auburn until I heard God say go.
"I'm trying to give you the desires of your heart."
Wait, what?
Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."
God spoke. I journaled: "I couldn't believe it at first. It wasn't that complicated. Every door to Auburn was flung open....This entire journey has been about surrendering and delighting. My heart's desires have shifted. Yet, God has spoken." For hours, I sat in disbelief. Auburn. God was calling me to Auburn. Oh, and just in case I needed further assurance, that night I found an email informing me of another Auburn scholarship. My jaw dropped.
It was a month until graduation, but plans were finally in place. Plans I couldn't have begun to foresee. I serve a big God.
Like I said, Auburn has ALWAYS been the dream.
Mr. Jimmy Rane presenting me with the scholarship.
