As You Go

If you have ever been a part of a church for any period of time, you probably know about the Great Commission. You've probably been encouraged to go on a short-term mission trip, give to those going, and/or pray for those going. Personally, God called me to missions when I was ten. Up until recently, however, I've been doing it all wrong. 

Matthew 28:19 says, "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit..." That "Go" actually translates into as you go. 

Do you have any idea what that means to a people pleasing, conflict fearing introvert?

It means, I must continually be die to myself. As I ride the bus to Haley, I am to make disciples. As I sit in biology, I am to preach the Good News. As I buy groceries in Kroger, I am to further God's Kingdom.

The Lord started convicting me of my lack of local missions at the beginning of this semester. I was considering a mission trip to Europe, when God showed me sinful heart. How could I affectively go and preach the Gospel, if I was unwilling to stay and share with the person next to me?

I started working harder to reach those around me. I set up coffee dates and study sessions, but life happened and it would often fall apart. I felt very stretched. Very ineffective. I became world weary and my fire for the lost started to fade.

I felt guilty. Guilty for not loving the lost and hopeless. 

I felt like a failure. My best efforts were not working.

Then, the Lord reminded me that it's not about me. It's not about my shame, my exhaustion, my failure, or my busy schedule.

1 Corinthians 1:27-29: "But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God."

The Lord continues to humble me, to show me my weaknesses; showing me that any good thing I do is not of myself. Any good thing in me is from Christ alone. He's the potter, and he calls me to be a willing vessel.

As I pursue him, he enables me to pursue others. As my love for him deepens, it overflows into the world around me. He takes the broken pieces and makes something beautiful.

One day, I may be called overseas. But whether I'm in Asia or America, I am to make disciples as I go.

O Death, Where is Your Victory?

Jesus makes us two promises in John 16:33. The first: "In this world you will have tribulation." In the past few weeks, I've lost three precious friends. A woman who was like a grandmother to me, a former youth leader, and a sweet friend from high school. Some might say that the world has lost three beautiful souls. I disagree. These women did not belong to the world in the first place. These beautiful souls were, and will forever be, daughters of God.

They are where their souls longed to be, but the rest of us are left with broken hearts, and maybe even some shattered dreams. "In this world you will have tribulation..." You got that right.

Praise the Lord that that's not the end of the story. Jesus goes on to say, "But take heart, I have overcome the world."

So, what?

So, there's hope.

Your story isn't over and your job isn't done. You may be facing some of the hardest, longest, and foggiest days of your life. But, take heart. It's not in vain. You are not alone. Jesus himself goes before us and prepares the way for us. He doesn't leave us to wander around in a fog. In our darkest days, he does more than guide us, he carries us. Through the funeral when you can't believe that this is really happening, and through the holidays that seem more bitter than sweet. Through the nights plagued with loneliness, and through the days that seem to never end.

He has overcome. He's done it. There's nothing you can't face because Jesus has already faced it and won. Rest in his victory! Dwell in his hope for a beautiful tomorrow!

""Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers [and sisters!], be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." -1 Corinthians 15:54-58

Even So, It Is Well With My Soul

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well with my soul.

When we visited the funeral home after Dad died, Mom led us in singing that very song. In life and death, in joy and pain- it is well with my soul. Christ was all I had and he was enough. I clung to that truth in the painful months following. How then, just two years later, have I already forgotten that lesson?

Today marks five weeks since I moved to Auburn and it has been a journey filled with non stop lessons and adventures. I didn't know a single freshman when I got here, so I immediately filled up my calendar with socials, hoping to connect with at least one person. There was a lot of going, doing, talking, leaving, and not actually connecting. 

I plugged into Lakeview Baptist Church as soon as I could, where Dad interned until I was two. At the first college service, the pastor posed a question that haunted me for days: what is robbing you of your first love? What is stealing your affection for Jesus?

I had felt spiritually dry for the past few months. I made excuses. It'll get better once I move to Auburn. I'll grow in the Lord once I plug into Lakeview. A godly friend will help me grow- I just need met one first. To clarify, I never stopped reading the Bible or praying. I still had quiet times, I was trying my best to seek the Lord's will. Everything I did just fell flat.

My second Saturday in Auburn, I had the house to myself. I had no socials during the day, no football game to anticipate. I became pretty depressed. God, could you go ahead and skip to the part where I have friends to spend a Saturday with? I moped most of the day. 

That night, I decided I would attend a swing dance on campus. I started getting ready, excited to finally get out of the house. I was literally putting hot rollers in my hair when I felt this great weight land on me. I sat down on the floor and prayed. God was telling me to stay home. Really? Now? I mean, it's JUST swing dancing. Though confused, I obeyed. I opened my Bible and started reading Romans 5. 

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God."

Because of grace, I could have peace. I could REJOICE. These verses gave me hope that night as I remembered that it's not about this world. It's not even about me. It's about being hopeful in the glory of God. Glorifying him is the reason I exist. 

That night, I also started reading "Future Grace" by John Piper. He writes:

"Sin is what you do when your heart is not satisfied with God....God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him." 

Without me even realizing it, God was changing my heart. 

He gave me a satisfaction in him I have never known before. A satisfaction that has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not I have friends, make it to class on time (being late is my worst nightmare),  or maintain a good GPA. It's a satisfaction rooted in Christ alone, knowing he will never ever fall short. 

The following week, God brought to mind Philippians 4:12, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation..." I have learned that secret. I have learned how to be satisfied. DISCLAIMER: I didn't teach myself. I didn't find a perfect verse that changed everything. I could've read through the entire Bible and still been just as confused. 

That Saturday night, God gave me grace, opened my eyes, and changed my heart. I became satisfied because he taught me. 

And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.