Grace That is Mine

A week from today, my dad will have been gone for a year. A lot of emotions and memories have been swirling around inside me for the past few weeks, and today God gave me the grace to express them. I'm not very good at poems, but this is my heart right now. 

"Grace That Is Mine"

A million different feelings
Are skipping through my heart
A million different questions
Are tearing me apart.
Joy glides past on grateful toes
Love abounds and overflows
Peace surrounds me in darkest night
The name of Jesus puts my fears to flight.

And just like that,
All seems lost.
The hope,
The happiness I once had
The Perfect Name that made me glad.
Has it vanished?
Has it ceased?
Is this mountain too big?
Or this valley too deep?
Sorrow assails me
Terror attacks
My secret doubts are flooding back.
I'm sinking
I'm drowning
How can I survive?
The grace I once sang of
Is simply a lie.

The God of the Universe
The Creator
The King
The Perfect Messiah
Who "knows everything"
He must have forgotten
He must have blinked
He must have mindlessly
Overlooked me.
My heart is breaking
It hurts to breath
The pain is unbearable
It's blinding me.

The tears ease up
I begin to calm down
I look left
I look right
I peer all around
I feel a gasp catch in my throat
I'm no longer drowning
No longer alone.
My Savior is carrying me
He's holding me close
Wiping the tears away
Whispering His love.

I wonder
I pray I can finally go home
To be with my loved one
To be perfectly whole.
He reminds me
"Not yet,
There's still work to be done
But I will return
When your time has come."
He gently places me
On a safe and sturdy rock
He teaches me to stand again
Teaches me to walk.

There are days I still long
For my heavenly home
For the face I will see
Someday soon.
But for now I am here
Helping others to find
The Grace that has saved me
The Grace that is mine.